Time to Get Real About Your Expectations
What day is it? I ask myself that question every day and if it wasn’t for phones and calendars I would be lost in the sauce. Today is day 49 of quarantine for us and honestly, it’s been a damn struggle. My grandmother always used to say, “take it one day at a time” and boy was she right.
I contemplated sharing this and said f*ck it *shrugs*. I’ve been struggling with all that’s on my plate - work, Kenzie, her home therapy and school work. It’s just me and some days I’m run down. Daily I have to reset, refocus and restart.
First, I’m resetting my expectations of what I’m capable of doing. I’m a very driven person AND I was having a hard time doing it all. I’m great when I can focus on what I’m doing and life is anything but focused right now…it’s a shit show. Some days I will kick ass at work and some days I will kick ass at being a mommy. I hate dropping balls and falling short. My expectation now is that I can’t do it all. What I can do, I will do it to the best of my ability and if my best that day is 60 percent, then that’s gonna have to be okay. I literally say this to myself.
Refocus. For a while, I was focusing on everything I didn’t do. I didn’t work long enough, read to Kenzie long enough, let her play with the iPad so I can write talking points for work, didn’t work out or I didn’t get enough groceries because they were out of things and now we are having breakfast for dinner 3 nights in a row. The guilt was heavy and every day I walked away feeling like a failure. I’ve been refocusing on what I can control. We have God, shelter, food, love and happiness. I haven’t dropped any balls at work and we eventually get her school work done. I’m doing my best every day and I’m focusing on that.
Reset. Every day feels the same. You ever have a day that is so terrible and you feel like you need to go to sleep and wake up and try that shit again? Welp, me too! Resetting for me is about letting go of what happened and going after the next day as a new day - even if I don’t know what day it is. You ask me and well, today is just DAY. Jokes aside, I try every day not to carry over yesterdays or last weeks into the new day. It’s a struggle some days and I’m consciously making an effort not to do those things.
I’m praying every step of the way and in every part of this process. You won’t ever hear me say this is easy, however, with prayer, it is doable.
Hope ya’ll stay safe! And puh-lease, keep ya ass at home!